sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
