I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
