i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize