You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
