The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
