dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
