Duck Duck Cougar?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
