If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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