I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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