Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize