Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i came on her dog
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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