If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
