Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
