I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize