I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As shirtless as possible
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
