Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
