I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
