Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize