Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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