Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
