At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
