Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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