My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
