He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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