never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
