two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She bit a glass in half.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
