Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
