I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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