her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
