need another drink. this is the easiest way
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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