Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
