You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
