i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
