I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
