Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
