apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
