Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
