too bad you live with your parents still
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
