Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
