it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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