brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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