someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
