My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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