Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
