I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
