i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
