please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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