she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
