At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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