Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
where are you?
Hypothermia
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize