Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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