I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
