i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
