I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
