i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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