Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
