Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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