Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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