She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
