covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
