Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
