I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I deserve this hangover.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
