Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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