Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
