My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
